It's Always Been You
by candie275
Summary: Ashley makes a decision that could jeoporadize her relationship with Spencer. Spencer's POV.
1. What just happened?

**HEY! This is my first story on here. Not sure if I'll leave it at this or continue (probably continue, just cause I love this couple). Let me know in a review what you think I should do :)**

**Enjoy! And please review, thanks :)**

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"SPENCER!" she yelled. I pretended not to hear. I paused and put my head down, thinking about what had just happened. What I just found out had happened.

Nothing but quiet for a moment.

"Please, Spencer?" she said quieter. I could still hear her, unfortunately. _Just go away, Ashley. I don't want to talk to you._ If only she could read my mind.

Slowly, I turned to face her. She was about 20 paces away, and my ears constantly search for her voice, hard to ignore. Harder to forget. Now she knew I heard her. But what could I say?

She started to come closer.

_No. Stay there! I can't... do... this... right now._

"Spencer... I'm sorry..." She was still coming closer. _Damn, why did I have to fall for this girl? And why did she fall for him?_

"Spence..." _No, don't do that! I can't resist it when you use that voice._

Looking deep into her eyes, I knew. She was sorry. She loves me. Or, that's what I want to believe. _Is it true, Ashley? Do you love me?_

No more words, but still walking towards me. 10 steps away. 6 steps away. 3 steps away.

_Do I run? No. Won't run. Can't run. Can't think. _

_Only kiss._

A soft kiss laid on my lips. Coming from Ashley, it means more than any words she could ever say. Falling into a deep hug, I remembered why I fell in love with her. _But, does she still love me more? Or Aiden?_

"Spencer," she whispered in my ear, as I cried softly into her shoulder. "I love you. We can get through this, right?"

"Ash. I... don't know..."

"What do you mean?" My own shoulder began to get damp with her silent tears. "We're strong. We're stronger than this."

"Then, if we're _sooo_ strong, why did you sleep with him? Do you love me? OR HIM?" Anger is rising. I can't hold it in, and I'm sorry the words come out as full of anger. Tears keep flowing, but the hug breaks. Her hands reach for my hips as I'm slowing walking backwards, never taking my eyes off of hers. She puts her head down into her hands, standing perfectly still, to break the stare. I do my part of the break-up, since it seems she has no more words to say to me, and I turn.

_I need to walk away before I get hurt more. Now._

I turn. I walk. And, I stop, as I hear her forming words in a whisper.

"I... love... you. Its always been you."


	2. Playful, yet deadly

**Chapter 2. I didn't wait for any reviews on the last chapter before writing this, I was so in the mood to write that I just did. Please review, and I hope you enjoy :)**

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"Then why, Ash?" Shaking my head, I don't understand why she slept with him. "If you love me... if you REALLY love me... you will be with me and only me. That's called trust."

Pause.

"I know..." That's her response? _Ashley! You're killing me here!_

"And...?"

"And I'm sorry! I can't take this 3rd degree interrogation crap! You are the only person in the history of the WORLD that I want to kiss, and touch, and... shall I continue?" She winks at me, trying to turn this into a comedic dispute over who she loves. I can't deny though, the way she makes me feel is incomparable.

"Ashley!" I say sternly, as a plea for her to stop with the innuendos. But I don't want her to stop, not now, not ever.

"Okay, okay!" She winks, grabs my hand and kisses me firm on the mouth. When we release, looking deep into her eyes, I can't help but fall in love with her, over and over again.

Grabbing both hands, she pulls me in tighter, not breaking our trance. "You, Spencer Carlin, are the only person I need in my life, in order for my life to be fulfilled. I love you." Another sweet kiss and it's as if nothing ever happened. Well...not quite, but closer to that point.

From where we were down my street, after I had stormed off out of disgust and out of my house, we head back arm-in-arm, very much back in love, with no way to prepare for what is to block our star-crossed paths.

"Hello beautiful!" Ashley greets me the next morning at school.

"Oh, why hello there! What do we have here?" I ask curiously, as I notice she is hiding something behind her back.

"Oh... it's nothing." She wiggles and squirms as I crane my neck to see around her.

"Is this how you want to play?" I ask playfully, grabbing her shoulders and kissing her _sooo_ _deep_ she subconsciously relaxes her defence of the mysterious thing behind her. It's now that I rub my left hand down her back, feigning going for her butt but instead stealing the- fluffy bear?

"Awww! Who's this for?" I ask jokingly.

"Give it back! It was supposed to be a surprise!" Her cheeks appear to be redder than before. "...if you must know, it's a present for you..." she explains shyly.

"You shouldn't have." Smiling, I respond and kiss her sweetly.


	3. Trust me, I'm yours

**3****rd**** chapter. I'm really getting into the hang of things now. Thank you all for the responses! **

**And now, back to Spashley :)**

"I know, but... after all that happened, I realize you could use a pick-me-up." She smiled, yet afraid of my response.

With my head down, staring at my toes, I think about what had happened and what the best way to handle it would be. She knows I love her, and I know she loves me, but I can't get over what she did. Not completely, since I never know if it could happen again. But that's trust.

Looking up, I smile. "Thank you, it's lovely." She smiles back, and now we're just a smiling, happy pair. The way we're meant to be.

Walking to class, she puts her hand in mine, as if to reassure me that it won't happen again. And once again, I smile and know that in order for our relationship to survive, no matter how rocky it is at this point, I need to trust her full-heartedly.

Knock, knock... I hear the knocking on the front door from my bedroom.

"Hi Paula, is Spencer home?" A confident and joyful voice skips up the stairs to where I can hear it.

"No, sorry Ashley, she isn't. I can have her give you a call when she gets in, if that's what you want." _Mom, come on. Be nice. You know I'm home._

"No Paula, that's okay. I'll..." At that moment, I had to come down the stairs. My mom wasn't being the best hostess.

"Hi Ashley! Mom..." I glare at my mother, who knew I walked in the house only 10 minutes ago, home from cheerleading. She had picked me up herself.

"Oh, sorry Spence! I didn't know you were home." After seeing my eyes roll in her direction, she took it as a cue to leave the two of us alone.

Kiss, kiss. Sweet lips graced mine as we both closed our eyes and fell into the moment. After hearing loud noises coming from the kitchen, made on purpose mind you, we broke apart and smiled shyly, hand in hand.

"I guess someone wants us to go see what's happening in the kitchen." Ashley hypothesized.

"Or... mom knows we were kissing and wanted us to stop." I giggled like a little girl, knowing only too well I was right.

"Well, she needs to work on her tactics." As we walk into the kitchen, Ashley pulls me in for another, deeper, kiss.

"Dinner is served! Bonne appetite!" No choice to break apart our kiss now. Food is on the table and I'm starving!

"He doesn`t mean to ruin all our fun... and we can finish later anyways." I whisper sexily into Ashley's ear, running up her arm with my hands. All she can do is smile like a kid in a candy shop.

"Oh, hi Ashley. Glad you could join us for dinner. Here, take a seat." My dad is the polar opposite of my mom, as in he actually approves of my relationship with Ashley. Pulling out one of the many chairs remaining around the table, I notice Glen is missing.

"He's with Aiden, doing some late night practises for the big game tomorrow," says my dad, reading my mind. I take my own seat beside Ashley, say hi to Clay across the table, and load up both mine and Ashley's plates with pasta à Mr. Carlin.

_Who else is missing? _I wonder. Looking around, I see pictures of Clay and Chelsea.

"So, what is Chelsea up to tonight?" I ask as a casual conversation starter.

Silence, waiting for Clay to finish chewing his food. "Umm... she has a special family dinner to go to." He seemed almost upset he was here with us instead of with her.

"Oh, that's too bad. It's been a while since she's been here. I miss her bubbly personality." Maybe I shouldn't go on so much about his girlfriend. He might start to think I would rather her be with me than him. Definitely not, I have Ashley.

More silence... No response from Clay, therefore something must be wrong.

"May I be excused?" Said quietly yet quickly, Clay is already beginning to stand up from the table and put his dishes away. My parents just look at each other, knowing what the other is thinking without having to say it. _That's what I want someday with Ashley. Total telekinetic abilities._

"So," asks my mom. "How are you, Ashley? I feel like I haven't seen you around for a while." _Uh-oh. She's just baiting._

"I'm alright. My mom is home from her wonder-trek to Alaska with her new man, ex number 7 I'm already calling him." I look at Ashley, confused. Everything is confusing when it involves her life. She gives me a look that tells me to change the subject.

"So mom," I say, not sure how to continue onto a different topic. "Did you have a, erm, nice day at work?"

Looking at me funny, she responds with, "Yes, dear. Today was a good day. Train crash with 90% survivors." Again, I'm getting another look that tells me to change the subject back to Ashley. I'll take Clay's route out.

"Good. May we be excused?" And before either can respond, Ashley and I are out of the presence of my overbearing mom and too-quiet dad.

"So," begins Ashley. "That was... interesting."


	4. Hot cocoa and the girl you love

**I regret to inform you that this will be the last chapter I write for two weeks. Real life, softball summer is taking over these next couple weeks, paired with camping with my friends. So, I'll write a longer chapter to help curb your withdrawal. I might add a 2****nd**** chapter tonight too. You guys deserve more than a swift goodbye :) **

**Oh, and I hope everyone likes the way I've been finishing the chapter at the beginning of the next chapter. I find things flow better that way, and leave the reader hanging on for more. **

**Proceed with caution :)**

"Hmm... interesting is right." I respond, not knowing what else to say.

"Have you been talking to her about my mom? My life?" Ashley begins to noticeably raise her voice, if only by a decibel.

"Well, no. But, it isn't exactly a secret your mom sometimes kicks you out of the house, left to find your own place to sleep, while she parties with her new boy-toy who has yet to find out she has a teenage girl!" Was I getting defensive? This was supposed to be my night to spend with Ashley, intimately.

_Mom, remind to thank you later._

"Excuse me for not having an overbearing mother, such as yours." She starts pacing, in an attempt to calm herself down.

Pause. I can't really argue with her statement about my mom. But, after all, she is my mom. Only I can talk about her like that.

"Look Ash... my mom may be controlling, and, I admit, a little overbearing. But, you know, she's there for me. Even since finding out I'm gay. She might take it too far when speaking in your direction, and I will apologize for her but-"

"But what is it this time?" She cuts me off. Visibly getting angrier and angrier, she's about to burst. "YOUR mom is no better than mine, y'hear me? Just cause your mom is actually around, and actually cares, and wants you to have a good future, and-" She can't finish without breaking into tears. I move closer to hold her, but she only waves a hand at me and turns with her now facing my window.

Silent crying is the worst, especially when the tears are your girlfriend's, and there is nothing you can do but listen to them.

She sniffs. I offer her a Kleenex, and she reluctantly takes one.

"Your... mom... Paula... is really... great. She looks out for you." Turning to face me, she adds, "She loves you, you know. They both do." I have nothing to say, so instead I nod my head. Guiding her to the bed by her elbow, I give her a long hug and tell her I'll be right back, even offering her my stuffed bear I sleep with.

Heading downstairs, I notice my mom at the entrance to the foyer, no doubt trying to listen in on my conversation with Ashley for any sign of a break-up.

"Is everything okay, Spence?" My mom asks, being all nice and innocent.

"Uhm. Yah, mom. No thanks to you. Why did you need to bring up her mom like that?" I ask as I prepare two cups of hot cocoa. It may burn your tongue, but I find it sooths the mind.

"Hunny," she defends herself. "I was only trying to be nice and start conversation. No harm intended, I swear it."

Water boiled, I fill two cups and head upstairs. My mom doesn't deserve the common courtesy of a reply at this time of night, and in these circumstances. She'll understand.

Knocking on my door as I enter, I see Ashley just sitting on the floor, eyes closed, legs stretched out, and cradling Mr Fluff, my bear.

"Ashley?" I whisper, not willing to disturb her thoughts.

"Hmm?" She says half-asleep.

"I brought up some hot cocoa for the both of us. I know it isn't that cold outside, but it still tastes good." I smiled. In California, at the beginning of March, it normally isn't cold. But, if it's not hot outside, it is acceptable to be drinking hot cocoa.

"Thanks." She didn't smile back. Too much seems to be on her mind right now.

So we sit alone in silence. Just us and our cocoa.


End file.
